Posts Tagged et tu brute

Woman Murdered, Soothsayers Sued

The North American Soothsayers Union released a statement today in response to a wrongful death suit, filed by the Ternbauer family, that of an Ohio woman who fell victim to a murderous conspiracy in March. Local attorney Jacob W. Gernstwald, gave a statement from the courthouse steps, saying he had ample evidence that Mrs. Ternbauer “was being completely ware on March 15th, on advice from the NASU.  However, having not been warned about March 16th, she was not being ware on the following day, and consequently fell victim to the host of conspirators.  We find this gross negligence on the part of the NASU to be unacceptable.  Had they said sooth about more than just one day, Mrs. Ternbauer might still be with us today.

While declining to comment on the specifics of ongoing litigation, NASU spokesperson Janet Behrman did say that, implicit in her organization’s message, has always been the extension of ware being to include a reasonable margin of error.  “Experience has shown us,” she explained, “That the vast majority of people who hear sooth, are ware for several days surrounding the Ides, and this same vast majority was not in fact, murdered this year – a testament to the effectiveness of our members if there ever was one. While it would be regrettable for a warned person to fall victim on March 16th, it is within the margin of error.”

Despite those strong words from the Union, sources reported the official statement on the NASU website to read, “Beware.”

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