Bear range opening at PFN News Headquarters

Contributed by Scud Langley

Though rife with financial woes, on occasion, PFN News is able to spoil its employees with new on-site amenities to compliment the already popular gun range and trampoline stations.  Though stuck in sub-committee for the past 3 years and never green-lit by the Texas Parks & Wildlife Association, it is my great pleasure to announce that beginning next week, our on-site bear range will be open and fully accessible to all associates currently or formerly employed by PFN News.

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What is a bear range, you ask?  And what do you do at a bear range?  Both are certainly legitimate questions.

Above, you’ll notice our first resident, Vince Vaughn.  He was captured out of the Kentucky Land Reservoir and Rose Emporium where he was tranquilized and then transported in the back of a 1978 Chevrolet pickup under a tarp to our headquarters.  There was a slight scare when Reynaldo was pulled over for a missing tail light but the state trooper never bothered to look under the tarp and we were on our way to having that bear range everyone has dreamed of.

Now that the PFN News Headquarters Bear Range and Youpon Emporium is fully functional, we will have to say goodbye to copy editor Erick Nance whose office we had to bulldoze to make way for the 237 acres of open bear country necessary for Vince Vaughn to roam uninhibited.  Mr. Nance’s office wasn’t located on the bear range, but the backhoe we rented to dig a hole for Vince to play in accidentally knocked a hole in his wall during transit and we didn’t have to funds to rebuild the 10×10 shed he was working in.

We wish Erick all the best in his future endeavors.

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