“When I See Horns, Katy-bar the Outdoor!” – Seldom Lavergne

Contributed by one, Seldom Lavergne
Finally, the long awaited weekend is upon us.  Most Outdoorsmen have struggled through the last 11 months, unable to fulfill man’s most basic need – to kill an ungulate.  Due to the concerns of “ecologists,” “hippies,” and probably “pharmacists” too, man is no longer free to pursue and slay any deer that crosses his path, at any time of year, by any effectual means relevant to the situation.  We’ve all heard it, it’s the same old song every time.

“Oh not in April!” they say.  “You might hurt the flowers.”

“Oh not in June or July, it’s so hot, we might sweat in our panties!”

“Oh not in August!  So much death already with the leaves, must we add to it?”

“Oh not in September, in a Kroger parking lot, with a trebuchet*!  They would never do that in Finland.”

Blah, blah, blah, waah, waah, waah.  That’s why babies never get to be president.

Nevertheless, when the clock strikes midnight on opening day, you can bet I’ll be there with bells on.  And at 12:01, if you hear a bunch of bells ringing, you’ll know Outdoors just happened

*I’ve looked at ever law on the book and there is actually nothing illegal about killing deer with siege weapons.  I did contact Kroger’s customer service department, but did not get a response.

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