Broken Bow, OK
It is a known fact that the endorsement of a political candidate by a major news organization can have weighty effects on election outcomes. Throughout American political history, the influence of journalists has played such a weighty role in election outcomes, that entire media enterprises have been built on the premise of decrying the effects of national media on elections.
In principal, PFN News rejects the notion of politically biased election coverage, and we make every effort possible to cover elections objectively, scrubbed clean of opinion and bias. However, in political climates such as the one we face this cycle, force our hand and we must influence the election in any way possible. We must now, for the good of the country, levy our considerable social capital for the good of our fellow man; the cost of inaction is simply too great.
That is why we are officially offering our endorsement of Emollient Fécal for the office of President. Neither of the two National Parties offered a candidate who is skilled in falconry and goat husbandry. In this case the old French proverb, passed on to Mr. Fécal by his grandfather, proves true:
“Si on ne peut pas bien gouverner un troupeau de chèvres et a entrailles irréguliers, comment pourrait-il gouverner la nation?”
“If one cannot rule well a herd of goats and has irregular bowels, how shall he rule the nation?”
America, consider the game changed.