Broken Bow, OK — Here at PFN News, we believe transparency is the penultimate quality of a news organization (we reserve the top spot for skill in falconry). Unlike some “so” “called” “media” “outlets,” we never make back room deals, slander actual people, or refuse to disclose our sources. We have taken our commitment to transparency so far that we revealed our internet password to the public back in 2007, allowing anyone who might be interested to access our files. We knew this policy would have its drawbacks, but we calculated the gains in integrity would outweigh any complications we might encounter. This turned out to be more problematic than we anticipated. In the two days before we reinstated a new password, we had all manner of inaccurate, politically biased, anti-goat articles posted as authentic PFN material, not to mention the general filth and off scouring that showed up in various places all over the website.
After consulting the board, we decided to put a password back in place and deal with whatever fallout may occur. We hired world renowned password encryption specialist Dave “Russel” Jones to create an impenetrable defense against would be detractors and defilers. For a nominal fee of $42,843 (we later found out this was an exorbitant amount and wrote into our charter a restriction on future IT services of $25), Mr. Jones handcrafted a 26 character password which he then translated into binary, then to Mandarin Chinese, then back to English. With all these levels of encryption, we were sure this would give us the security we were looking for.
Unfortunately, after all the translations, the rendered password in English was “12345” which held strong until yesterday. A 14 year old Azerbaijanian girl blasted through our defenses and posted the article you may have read yesterday. As appalled as we were by this infraction, we were against a hard print deadline and decided to leave her article on the page, and claim it as our own. This is transparency at its finest.