Joe Usual

Here at PFN News, we care about the little people, the simple man, Joe Usual.  To that end, we like to interview random peasant folk from time to time.  Here is a great quote from a man named Vanderbilt Gershner whom we met in a Dairy Queen in Monticello, Arkansas.

“This is a story my father told me when I was twelve:

Son, when I was your age,  The Times was harder.  Seriously, since that time they have decreased the thickness of page and the overall paper density by 35%.  I know that’s true because when I encounter a small rat in the hearth in the evening and, after enjoying his company for a time but growing weary of his less-than-rapier wit (I believe the wit of most rodents I would liken to a steak knife at a franchise restaurant at best), I throw the sports section at him and he scurries about like a rodent is wont to do, I notice that the sound of the paper hitting the stone does not frighten the canaries in the way that it once did. 

The Times was so hard back then, lawn gnomes and single-paned storm doors lived in mortal fear of the paper boy.  I know this is true because I am facebook “friends” with a retired paper boy from Oklahoma

You know son, the one who the other day posted this delectable bit of gossip:

So I was talking to a man on the street about a bicycler in Norman, OK [who I believe said something along the lines of, “There is a man who rides his bike to University every day, and I think as he drove by he said, ‘While I am still doing fat math and lazy internet research from my recliner, On average (according to my bike riding app(lication (Caleb))) I burn 260 calories every day on my bike to and from work (approx. 6 miles or so).'” but i can’t be sure] and I noticed that he smelled funny. …aaaand the world exploded.

Yes he’s the one.  He’s the most trustworthy retired paperboy I’ve ever known.  In fact, I take down his every word when we speak and have it engraved in marble on my back porch – the future delight of some anthropologist no doubt.”

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