Paris, TX – The debate is as old as the science of paleontology itself. What killed the dinosaurs? One man thinks he has finally solved this mystery. Dr. Hames Blessing, founding member of the Blessing Organization for the Observation and Gathering of Information on Extinction (B.O.O.G.I.E.), published his new theory in the latest issue of his organization’s quarterly newsletter, BOOGIE Writes.
Dr. Blessing has concluded that “the complete absence of any living dinosaurs today must mean that they all died; that much we already knew. If they all died, then something must have killed them all, otherwise they would still be alive. I was pondering this reality when I realized we have never once discovered any fossilized lung tissue, not a single scrap. This put me hot on the trail of a breakthrough. I remembered coming across the corpse of a long lost family pet once during the construction of my parent’s new house. “Tango” the Jack Russel terrier had died at a ripe old age of twelve, after spending his entire life in the home of my parents, both chain smokers. When I examined the remains of my old pal, some thirty years after his death, I noticed the conspicuous absence of lung tissue in his remains. To further bolster the claim I was working up, I exhumed the bodies of some 1200 deceased family pets who lived in smoking households. The findings were nothing short of remarkable. We found not one single shred of lung tissue, just like the dinosaurs! This led me to postulate that second-hand smoke must have been the primary cause of not only the death of countless family pets, but also the extinction of the dinosaurs. I’m not afraid to say this may be the biggest breakthrough since the discovery of fossils, and I’m glad to be a part of it.”