Contributed by Scud Langley
Undisclosed National Forest – With the Republican race for a nominee hitting a fever-pitch in the past 6 months, PFN News has received upwards of 3 calls during that time period from constituents inquiring on whom our organization plans on endorsing as an opponent for President Obama. A poll was officially taken amongst our 14 staff members to see who the frontrunner amongst PFN News was. Since nobody seemed to have an official list of who the actual presidential hopefuls were, each member was asked to write in who they believe is the current frontrunner. The results were as follows:
William Howard Taft – 37%
Harrison Ford – 2%
*Stelv Jobs – 7.14%
Ray Stevens – 42%
Kansas – 11.86%
* This poll was taken the week before former editor Raul Ortega was fired.
I didn’t actually take part in this poll as I believe it violates the 4th amendments’ protection from unreasonable search and seizure, but I would endorse a candidate if he supported squatter’s rights, falconry legalization in all 50 states, protection from Indian raids, and the right to refuse a social security number. I currently take part in each of these so it would be nice if they were legal.