PFN News News:
Last month, PFN News correspondent Scud Langley reported on the firing of former news editor Raul Ortega. While this was, no doubt, unfortunate for Mr. Ortega, it has proven to be somewhat of a windfall for PFN. Not only did we rid the organization of a less than profitable associate, but we also loosed ourselves from his 5 year, $20,000 contract (which, as was stated therein, is voided upon termination), effectively freeing up 78% of our operating budget.
After hours of deliberation, the Board Members decided unanimously to appropriate $5,000 to pay off a couple of car title loans we had taken out during particularly trying season of the news business. Last year, our advertiser pulled their support and we were forced to borrow against both vehicles owned by our company in order to fund the breaking news coverage, and underwrite the construction of Mr. Langley’s personal ham radio tower.
The remaining $15,000 was used to hire the newest member of our team, Stephano Grehrs, as the Official Trumpeter of PFN News. Mr. Grehrs holds a B.A. in Accordion Theory from The University of Minsk, and completed his post-graduate studies in Vienna, earning an M.F.A. for his work in transcribing the sound of running water into conventional music notation, and then composing a sonata for bassoon based on the mono-tonal themes he derived from his research. Mr. Grehrs soon left his academic career and spent the 90’s playing flute in jazz/Tibetan chant fusion bands all over the Pacific Northwest. He then landed the coveted position of “Minstrel of Record” for NPR News where he stayed until we lured him to PFN with the promise of focusing on trumpet, and free use either the El Camino, or the other El Camino (recently secured by the aforementioned loan payment), at his discretion.
So far, the only assigned duties of the Official Trumpeter of NPR News are, playing “Flight of the Bumblebee” every morning via conference call, playing Taps at the funeral of any PFN associate who may die during his tenure, and softly playing “America the Beautiful” as Steve Dbrockavitch steps off the plane on any foreign soil. Other duties may be assigned at a later date.
Note: A search for “Minstrel of Record” on the NPR website did not yield anything on Mr. Grehrs’ service there, having apparently been purged from their records.