PFN News Produces Newest Candidate for Unemployment Benefits

Contributed by Scud Langley
PFN News Headquarters – While the rock solid staff of PFN News works hard to maintain an appearance of consistency and attempts to stay just a shade north of reproach, a few desperados occasionally slip in.  Such was the case with our most recent editor, Raul Ortega.  While we appreciated his live chickens around the office, his complete lack of ability to perform his duties successfully forced us to let him go. 
Although we were able to look past Raul allowing the wingding font to slip in on a few of our publications as well as his failure to capture 137 instances of the word “booger” in our most recent issue of PFN News Quarterly (which was the result of our previous editor sabotaging our publications during his last week*), we were unable to look past his consistent misspellings of senior reporter Steve Dbrockavitch’s name.  
When the first report that Raul edited was contributed to a Steev Dbrockavitch, our staff wrote it off as a missprint and gave a stern warning.  When subsequent publications included the name Steif Dbrockavitch, Raul’s onsite gun range privileges were sequestered and a reprimand was given, informing him that he needed to get his act straight or face the consequences.  The last straw came when Steve D.’s award winning coverage of the afghan rug scandal in the Des Moines Lion’s Club was contributed to a Steam Dbrockavitch.  Raul was handed his walking papers the next day.
This marks the 12th editor PFN News has had to let go due to incompetence this year.
*Marcus Lowery, PFN News’ chief editor from 10/3/2011 – 11/10/2011, was fired for his inability to properly use Microsoft Works^ during the editing process.
^PFN News still uses Windows 98 for all publications and cannot acquire Microsoft Office due to budget constraints and hardware limitations.

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