Archive for November, 2011
In anticipation of the long awaited, self-ghost-written biography of our very own Steve Dbrockavitch, entitled, Dbrockavitch v. World: The Incredible Life of the World’s Best Journalist, we’ll be previewing the book over the next several years. Here is a small excerpt from his early life.
Nothing forges the necessary tempered spine of a journalist like childhood adversity, and the treacherous slopes of his native Braatislava provided the very fires that made Steve Dbrockavitch the man he is today.
Born on a bitter cold, October night, Baby Steve was subjected to the customary Braatislavan practice of placing newborn babies under the torrid rump of a nesting vulture. There is little warmth to be found in the whole wretched wasteland, and Basil and Yerba Dbrockavitch wanted the absolute best for their son that their country had to offer. There, nestled amongst the soon to be hatched carrion fiends, Young Steve knew the warmth he felt was not just from the body of Mother Vulture, or the steaming squirrel carcase nearby, but the flames of investigative zeal burning in his tiny bosom.
Unfortunately, the early warmth of the vulture brood would be the last He would experience for a long time. By his fifth birthday, the vulture clan had multiplied itself into a veritable winged army, and staged a coupe against the Dbrockavitch family, forcing them to abandon the barren hillside, and flee to the equally barren Braatislavan Valley. There, Basil and Yerba made a decision that would change the life of their son forever. They knew the desolate wasteland was no place to raise a child, so they placed their son in a wooden box, fashioned a sail atop the box, shoved the makeshift craft off into the treacherous waters that pound the coast of Braatislava, and hoped for the best.
Alone on the open sea, five year old Steve somehow found the warmth, either from his internal investigative zeal, or the squirrel carcase his parents had placed in the box with him, to press on.
Check back in the future for more previews of the best biography ever written, by the World’s Best Journalist.