Wii Wii All the Way Home

contributed by Steve Dbrockavitch

At a press conference today, Nintendo unveiled its latest offering for the popular Wii game console.  Wii, Wii will go on sale Friday, to the delight of gamers worldwide.  “We understand that playing games on our console can be stressful,” says spokesman Gerard Volftre, “So we’ve developed new technology to remove gamers even further from the real world.”

Wii, Wii will give players the opportunity to create avatars that play their favorite Wii games on screen for them, without the stress of actually playing the game.  On screen, the avatars will sit in a virtual living room playing virtual Wii games, and gamers will only interact with the screen to maintain bathroom and snack breaks for their avatars.  And if this level of involvement becomes too burdensome, players can switch to Wii Wii Wii mode, and have the on screen avatar play Wii Wii, and control the snack breaks of its own avatar.

At the Greater Landsing Chamber of Commerce Gaming Convention, I spoke with 40 year old gaming enthusiast and unemployed plasma donor, Henry “Link” Feomast.  After showing me his new social security card with his now legal name Link Feomast, Henry spoke about Wii Wii.

“After a long day of donating plasma, I always unwind with 14 or 15 hours of gaming.  But then I start getting really stressed and I’m like, ‘man I need a break.’  That’s when I usually have some EasyMac, work on my Zelda timeline mural, and go to sleep, but now with Wii Wii, I can finally escape the rat race.”

Feomast’s excitement over the new game was somewhat tempered by his “lack of Rupees.”  Apparently, the economy has been particularly hard on plasma donors and he won’t actually be able to purchase the game unless his application to the Federal Unemployed Plasma Donor Gaming Assistance Program is approved.

After playing the game myself, at one of the many kiosks provided by Nintendo at the convention, I couldn’t help but notice that this newest game smacked of a sequel.  I suspected Wii Wii Wii Wii would be coming soon, but I couldn’t get anyone from Nintendo to comment.

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