‘Bama Budget Bloodletting

CONTRIBUTED BY SCUD LANGLEY

 

Birmingham, AL – A 200 billion dollar deficit was discovered by the Alabama Budget Committee towards the end of fiscal year 2011, and lawmakers have scrambled to come up with a budget agreement for 2012.  Public outcry has reached a fever pitch as several angry
letters and petitions have been sent to the capital demanding a decrease in
government spending.

Republicans were chided by Democrats for suggesting cuts
to the state program designed to prevent potatoes from winding up in vehicle
mufflers, also known as Potato-Exhaust Prevention and Total Obliteration, or
PEPTO.  Jerry Umbert, lead Democrat in the state senate cried foul
stating, “Look, we agree something has to be done about the budget, but we will
not allow these reckless Republicans to destroy children and the elderly by
demolishing a life-saving state program such as PEPTO!”

Republican Chance Freeley defended his party’s position
with his statement saying, “We can’t just throw this hotdog down the
hallway.  The people of Alabama want us to do something now.
We agree that this program is essential, but the Democrats are just using
PEPTO-dismal tactics to scare the public.  PEPTO is one of the main contributors
to our deficit.”

After weeks of debate, lawmakers emerged from the capital
declaring a deal had been made that would slash government spending and save
PEPTO.  All-in-all, senators stated that the 2012 fiscal year
budget had been cut by up to 18 dollars by cutting 12 dollars from PEPTO and 6
dollars from infrastructure spending.  Democrats declared that the
best decision was made for the youth of Alabama, considering that Republicans
were suggesting cuts of up to twice as much as was agreed on.
Republicans stated that the people of Alabama sent them to the capital to
stop government spending, and that goal had been accomplished.

Cuts of such an historic nature have been both lauded and
decried by the press.  Nonetheless, Republicans and Democrats have
both declared this budget agreement a victory and an example for future
lawmakers to follow.

Also of note; discretionary spending for the Alabama
government was increased by 67 million dollars by a unanimous vote during budget
talks.

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  1. #1 by Scud Langley on July 16, 2011 - 12:26 pm

    I notice my work is not being properly contributed to me. If I had a union rep, he would be contacting you.

    • #2 by Possibly Fake News on July 21, 2011 - 9:31 pm

      Consider it done. Five type editors just got fired and exiled to Nepal.

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