Cockfighting Goes Mainstream

Contributed by Steve Dbrockavitch

Mexico City — An age-old, underground pastime is getting a face lift.  Having long been the delight of mob types, drifters, bookies, and countless other ne’er-do-well, cockfighting will soon go mainstream.  Officials in Mexico acted this week to clean up the controversial, if not generally despised sport.  The new law, known as the Gallos Ayudar a Conquistar el Mundo Act, introduces new practices and procedures that are aimed at bringing the sport out of the dark ages.

Under GACMA, protective padding will be placed on the claws and beak of each bird and matches will be decided on a point system modeled after the official Olympic Tae Kwon Do rules.  Only free-range roosters, free of steroids and falcon hormones, will be eligible for competition, and will be divided into three weight classes: stout, semi-stout, and ruddy.  In addition, bookies will no longer be able to accept wagers paid in cars, firearms, stolen jewelry, or beatings, and sale and consumption of malt liquor will  be strictly forbidden.

I visited one of these newly sanctioned matches and spoke with one of the trainers known as Diego Slice:

  “Well, I guess some of the purity of the sport is lost.  I mean, we’re really gonna miss our smoke-filled warehouses and bloody carcasses and stuff like that, but we’re also really tired of being shunned by the public.  We’re not bad people, we just like to watch chickens kill each other and beat people up and stuff like that, that’s all.  We’re just glad cockfighting will finally get the respect it deserves.”

Our conversation was interrupted by a whistle blow, Deigo’s rooster, Aspiradora, scored the match point with a back-wing to the temple.  Overjoyed, Deigo rushed into the ring, punched the referee, fired a pistol into the air, and fed the losing rooster to a waiting pit bull.  There is clearly still room for improvement, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.  But if it had been, and there had been roosters around, and some firearms, and a shipping container, someone would have wanted to see if they would fight each other to the death; it’s just human nature.

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  1. #1 by Turd Ferguson on July 3, 2011 - 5:05 pm

    THAT ROOSTER WAS MY BROTHER AND MY ONLY FRIEND! You shall rue the day you fed him to that dog. RUE IT YOU SHALL!!!

    -owner of the losing rooster

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