Capitol Riot

Washington D.C. — Marches on the capitol are quite common these days.  It seems like everyday some other group gathers to petition the government to give ear to their particular issue; it is a sign of a thriving democracy.  One such group made their presence known this week with a new agenda.  A group calling themselves Concerned Americans for Governmental Superiority Over Professional Sports or CAGSOPS, gathered in front of the Capitol Building on Saturday to civilly disobey.  Spokesman Daryl explains their cause:

“Look, we love sports as much as everyone else, we just think it is ridiculous that. last year, as we swore in our 44th President, the NFL played its 45th Superbowl in as many years.  Now you tell me what’s wrong with that picture?  The National Football League has consistently cranked out one of those Super Bowls every year since they started, and it has taken us 221 years and we’re still behind by one!  It’s a sign of weakness is what it is, I mean, other countries have monarchies that go back thousands of years.  I’m telling you, the Land of England and the NFL is just snickering at our measly 44 presidents, and even some of them was elected more than once!”

The rally reached a fever pitch when Daryl and the rest of the demonstrators erected paper mache models of the white house and the NFL logo, with a large “greater than or equal to” symbol pointing to the Whitehouse.  Confusion then broke out within the group as to whether they wanted equality or superiority.  Deciding on superiority they tried to burn the previous mathematical symbol to show that, “Equality with sports is the first step toward communism!”  This slogan Daryl tried to turn into a chant and after several awkward attempts to get it going, decided instead to just burn the entire paper mache display and disco-dance around the fire.  At this point the demonstrators moved from passive activism, to criminal activity because there are city ordinances in D.C. against burning paper mache likenesses of registered trademarks and disco dancing.  As he was being carted away in a police vehicle, Daryl said, “Four score and twenty years ago, our forefathers wanted to put this in the Constitutions but Karl Rove wouldn’t let’em! Rove I say, it was Rove all along!”  Witnesses say there were visible tears on the face of the Lincoln Memorial as the car drove away.

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